I’m currently working on the edit of a psychological thriller I wrote, telling the story in First Person to create a greater degree of psychological immediacy. I think it’s a case of a) paint the picture, b) move on, and c) don’t linger or get stuck in the words.

Here is another brief section from the novel.  The context?  Central character Alan has recently returned to his native Lancashire with his young son Robert, and has uncovered evidence regarding a crime in his past 

We chat for a little while more, then Kaz has to get back to lunch preparation behind the counter, where Killing Me Softly, the original version, is playing on the radio. It’s quarter to twelve, and spitting with rain outside. I tell Kaz I’ll come back to see her, and make my way to the indoor market.

The market’s bustling with people and chatter. Smells of raw cauliflower from a fruit and veg stall. Fried chicken and vinegary chips. Low priced SIM cards and cheap watches. Anoraks and trainers.  Handbags and purses. Eggs and cheeses and jars of honey. Eventually, I find the hoover man Lenny on his stall in the middle isle, gloved hands wrapped around a flask cup of tea. He’s aged around sixty and dressed in a quilted jacket.

I sense immediately that he and I have never met . I buy a hoover and cart it back to the car.

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5 thoughts on “Painting Pictures With Words, Simplicity

  1. Wonderful description of the market, no mention of market traders.

    I would have liked more detail of the purchase of a hoover, how old was it, was it working and was it cheap enough??

    Still its colourful and getting away from all the physological stuff.

  2. I definitely think first person is the way to go for a psychological thriller. I am reminded of Jim Thompson’s “The Killer Inside Me” and how terrifying it is because the narrator is sick, knows he’s sick, but really doesn’t make anything of it. You’ve hit upon something and can really make it work.
    I agree also with Helen’s comment about the hoover. In the brief passage that is the only “event” that takes place and it does require an additional sense of immediacy.
    overall, good flow.

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